Alloy
by KriegDiadem
Summary: Ami tries to learn how Minako works.
1. Chapter 1

**ALLOY**

**chapter one: sometimes life is a little more difficult than i expected**

_The following recounts the revelation bestowed upon me by life experience and happenstance, the events that led up to it, and the results of my subsequent actions._

**REVELATION**

If life were a basketball court Aino Minako would be the star player that everyone admired and nobody liked. She would be one of those players who could unerringly find gaps in the defense, who would remain in the air during jump shots for far longer than gravity should allow, and who would always, always make that three-point shot right as the buzzer sounded in a 81-79 game. Such an athlete, normally, would be one who had spent her youth on the court, with hours of dedicated practice time daily and nothing on the mind but basketball.

But there were no training sessions for life. You couldn't practice at it. Life came at you continually and you simply had to make do.

So my father said to me, minutes before he left our household forever. I, however, knew there had to be a way. There had to be a way to learn how to be good at life and Minako must know the secret to it. Somewhere in that head of hers, subconsciously, she knew. None of my attempts to extract the secret had yet worked. It was only a matter of time. No knowledge could remain hidden from me.

* * *

5.

One afternoon during a study session Rei discovered that the 3DS she thought she had lost had in fact been permanently borrowed by Usagi and Minako. Their squabbling rang through my ears, their voices harmonizing as a major triad. I glanced at Makoto to assure myself that she, at least, had managed to stay on track, but Makoto's mind floated somewhere else. Her gaze had not travelled at all from a fixed point on the page, not even on to the next problem, let alone to the next page.

"Mako-chan. Come back."

Makoto blinked twice, shook her head, and grinned at me. Whatever excited energy she had gained from her thoughts transferred to her hand and she began to tap at nervously at the tabletop.

"Hey Ami-chan, guess what. I met a new guy and – "

In an auditory feat, Minako managed to hear this comment over the sound of her own rather loud voice. She left Rei and Usagi mid-sentence and moved to the other side of the table where she grabbed Makoto by the collar and shook her.

"Mako-chan, what are you thinking? We're only young once! Study! Build a good future for yourself! Don't get hung up on guys! What's this guy's name?"

At this point, I had yet to make any inroads into this other great Minako mystery: the mystery of her thought processes.

"What?" Makoto looked surprised, for a moment, before she blurted out: "His name is Kenta."

Minako carefully ran her eyes over Makoto's features. Makoto leaned back, a little unsettled, surely, by this intense scrutiny. Minako smiled reassuringly and jumped to her feet.

"I just sensed that Artemis is on fire." She grabbed my arm. "We have to go douse him. Bye, girls!"

Moments later Minako spirited me away.

* * *

"If Artemis really were on fire, I hope you'd be a little more concerned than this," I said.

Minako shrugged. She pulled out Makoto's cellphone from her jacket pocket. I didn't bother to ask when or how she had obtained it. "Let's see. She's already got his number. Nice. Hello, Kenta-kun? It's Minako. I need to speak to you about something. Privately. Sure. Bye." She hung up and placed the phone in my hand. "Please safeguard this."

"Safeguard?"

"If I get into a fight, I don't want it to break," Minako said airily, as if this happened often.

"Why would you get into a fight?"

Minako stared up at the sky and clenched her fist. "We're going to make sure Kenta is a good guy before Makoto does anything like fall in love with him!" She scowled. "Frankly I'm sick of seeing her heartbroken, no matter how easily she bounces back."

I could have said no. I could have said that we shouldn't interfere in other people's love lives. But I felt compelled to go along. I had to see what Minako would do.

Ten minutes later we claimed a booth at the Crown Parlour. When Kenta arrived, he frowned at the sight of me.

"Aino-san, I thought you wanted to have a private conversation."

"Ami-chan," she said, ignoring his comment, "Do you have the varsity men's volleyball stats?"

Of course I did, and Minako was well aware of this, having caught me crunching the school's sports team stats during a break between classes. It amazed me, at times, what those numbers could reveal. Kenta, for instance, reported excellent times during agility tests and benched a fairly impressive weight, but volleyball itself he played dismally. I brought these numbers up on my phone and handed it to Minako. She shook her head mournfully and slid the phone across the table.

"Do you see that attack percentage? And how could you have this many aces and so few assists?" She sighed. "I'm sorry, Kenta-kun, but you're not a team player. And you're a starter! If you were on the women's team you'd have gotten kicked off a long time ago."

He scowled. "I thought we were – "

"I know you're tall and strong, too." She peered at him intently and he seemed appeased for a moment, before she continued. "But that's not all there is to volleyball. Spirit. Determination. Hard work. I bet if we replaced you with someone like, say, Kino Makoto, your team would be doing much better."

He kissed his teeth. "That amazon wouldn't –"

This was all Minako needed to hear.

"Stop embarrassing yourself. Oh, Takato-kun," Minako called out. Horror flitted over Kenta's face as he turned and noticed the men's varsity volleyball captain sitting directly behind him. The captain clambered over the back of the booth seat and landed beside Kenta.

"Kenta-kun. Consider yourself second string. Go pack. You leave for the JV training camp tomorrow, or you're off the team."

"Yes, captain," he grumbled. He slouched out of his seat and toward the exit. When he had left, the captain leaned back and let out a long whistle.

"That was harsh, Minako-san."

"Thanks, Takato-kun. I owe you one."

"No, I owe you one. I never even realized how much he sucked." He leaned across the table. "Allow me to repay you. Dinner?"

Minako winked. "Maybe some other time, pretty boy. Right now, me and Ami have got some shopping to do."

* * *

4.

Some of our dates, as she called them, consisted of interfering in people's lives, like that day with Kenta, or of self-promotion attempts, like that memorable day cosplaying as Sayaka and Mami. Others, though, ran more normally, like today's. We'd eaten junk food and wandered around plazas and parks and eventually ended up in a shopping district.

"You already own at least five cardigans. Why not try a cute jacket?"

I caught glimpses of the jackets she deemed cute as she piled them onto my arms. Theirs cuts were conservative, their colors bland. Something was wrong with Minako, and I couldn't quite decipher what.

"Minako-chan, what's wrong?"

She sighed and glanced at a cutout of the celebrity of the week placed next to a fragrance collection.

"We're going to have to stop our Tuesday dates."

I could barely admit it to myself, but the words hurt more than I thought they would.

"Why?" I asked. I strove to keep my tone neutral.

"Because my mom says I have to go to cram school. She says she wants me to go to a good university."

Relief filled my heart. So she wasn't cancelling our meet-ups because something was wrong with me, but her words still worried me.

"Don't you want to go to a good university?" It wasn't for everyone, I knew. But Minako was sharp, and good at angling relationships to maximize the benefits to her. She'd network with everyone and if she applied herself she'd ace everything. She could truly be a star.

"Not really," she said. "I want to be a star."

Not my type of star, I realized, no Feynman or Tyson. A star, like that celebrity on the cutout.

"I want to be famous," she continued. "I want credit. I want admiration."

"Sailor V is a star," I said. I pointed to the children's section of the store. Her masked face featured on many of the T-shirts.

"Aino Minako isn't, though." She stared at the Sailor V shirts for a while longer. "Anyway," she said, "Since weekdays don't work anymore, come out with me on Friday."

I nearly said yes when I remembered that Takato's party was this Friday, and Minako would surely attend. I couldn't help my uneasy expression.

"We don't have to go to the party," she hurriedly said. "Or we can hang out some other time."

I wanted to go, though. I so badly wanted time with Minako, in her natural environment. The secret to being good at life would soon be revealed to me. Every time we spent time together, bits and pieces of it fell into my mind, fleeting sentiments only, nothing I could categorize or analyze neatly. The impressions served well enough. I knew they'd coagulate, soon, and I would either know or at least feel intuitively – as intuitively as possible for someone like me – what the secret was.

Besides, if Minako wanted to go to the party with me, I didn't want to deny her.

But the people. The crowds, the drinks, the strangers, the pointlessness of it all.

"I'll think about it," I said.

* * *

3.

"You can't wear that." Makoto reached into my closet and pulled out a few articles of clothing. "There will be beer, and the law of the universe says some will spill on you if you wear white. Wear this instead."

I took the proffered outfit and stepped into my ensuite to change.

"You should come, too."

"I can't," she said. She nodded in approval as I returned to the bedroom. "Looking good, Ami-chan." She set aside the magazine she had been idly flipping through. "I can't because I have work, and I think I'm already late." She glanced at the clock and grimaced. "Besides, she invited you and only you for a reason."

"Why do you think that is?" I had mulled this question over the whole week and found no satisfactory answer.

"I don't know." Makoto had gotten famous at our school for being a terrible liar. She had never once convinced a teacher with her excuses for homework negligence, nor could she successfully tell someone in home ec that their confections turned out well when they had turned out terribly.

I didn't want to confront her for answers directly, though, when she was in a rush.

"Call me after the party," she called out, as she left my condo.

When I arrived at Takato's house I heard pop music cranked to hearing-loss volumes and I smelled the alcohol that permeated the air. Already I regretted accepting Minako's invitation, and as I fought my way further through the crowd my regret only increased further as bodies knocked into me. My wariness grew when I spotted Minako in the backyard. The group of girls around her chattered amicably as she broke off the greet me. She pulled me into the group and introduced me. I couldn't concentrate on their names. Instead I dwelled on how at ease they seemed with each other, how they barely spent a minute on one topic before they moved to the next one, how casually they praised themselves.

Minako sensed my distress, or saw it. She made excuses and dragged me to a more secluded corner of the yard.

"What is it?" she asked.

I couldn't really tell her. Those girls reflected Minako in every way, yet they never reached the essence of her. The assuredness, the blithe conversation, and the agility all belonged to them like they belonged to Minako, but they missed the essential. I had barely spoken to them and I knew it already. They did not know how to live.

That sounded too judgmental, too biased. What I meant was: they did not know how to live _like Minako_. But why should they? They weren't her, after all. Their way to live worked for them. My way to live, though far more labored than Minako's breezy style, more or less worked for me.

I thought perhaps I desired to learn Minako's secret not because I wanted to emulate her, after all. Another motive fueled my investigations into Minako's manner, though what motive, I couldn't tell.

I couldn't tell her these thoughts, of course. I chose another problem to present to her.

"Those girls…I wish I could be so confident and easygoing. Every once in a while when I talk to a group of people I feel like I'm bound to embarrass myself."

"Hmm?" She placed her hand on her chin and pursed her lips. "You don't feel that way when you talk to us, though, do you?"

"No."

"Then when you're talking to a group, just pretend that they're us."

I nodded, but I couldn't truly heed this advice. No group of people could ever match up to the four of them. Usagi constantly forced me out of my comfort zone, but always helped me if I flailed. Rei and I disagreed on almost everything, but I knew she respected my opinion, just like I respected hers. And I placed the greatest trust in Makoto, who always backed me and who looked out for everyone. As for Minako…

I frowned. As for Minako…

I thought back to my conversation with Makoto. I had to ask.

"Minako-chan, why did you start our weekly get-togethers?"

"Now that we have some free time," she said, "I thought, why not?" She looped her arm through mine and leaned against my shoulder. "We never used to hang out, just the two of us. It didn't seem right."

* * *

2.

"_That's_ the outfit you're wearing?" Rei asked.

Even when Rei and I agreed, our reasoning still tended to differ. Like with school, which I deemed important, because you gained knowledge, and which she deemed important, because of her desire to excel at everything. Now, however, we exchanged a short look, and I knew our feelings came from the exact same place. She sounded disdainful, but she meant well.

Minako stood before us dressed in what I could only describe as scandalous swimwear. Her nipples poked through the thin material of the top, and I tried not to think about how the bikini bottom looked.

A start as a gravure idol could ease the path to fame, I knew. Minako's reasoned decision still bothered me, though, when I thought of her underage photo plastered on the walls of grown men. It made me feel a little sick, even. I couldn't forbid others not to appreciate the aesthetics of the female form, of course. Some of the people who purchased her photobook would likely even appreciate the person in said form, and they'd find information on her, and they'd think they knew her. Somehow, the latter seemed worse than the former.

I set my thoughts aside and tried to support my friend. Usagi got there first.

"Who cares, Rei-chan! Minako-chan looks hot!"

Minako flashed the victory sign, winked, and posed with her other hand on her hip.

"Ebullient blondes sell well," I said. "I project you'll finally be able to buy that limited edition handbag you've wanted, if your agent negotiated anything around the 10% mark."

She looked unhappy, for a moment, before she broke into an even bigger grin.

"Not exactly, but he did one better! Tomorrow I'm filming a commercial for SoftHeels."

"Really?"

She must have heard my excitement as she impulsively leaned forward to hug me.

"Yes!"

I had learned, from hours of research, that the best commercials for idols to star in were those for watches, glasses, and shoes. That the SoftHeels shoe company had casted Minako for their ad heralded good things for her career.

She broke away when her makeup squad called her. Soon after, the other girls disappeared in the direction of some singer they had glimpsed. I had yet to find a singer who could match up to any of the Starlights, so I remained seated in the corner of the studio Minako had claimed for us.

A group of boys approached me and took the seats around me. These, I suspected, were the male models who would serve as glorified props in Minako's shoot. They all wore scandalous swimsuits, too, that showed off their abs and thighs and…packages. I fixed my sight forward. I felt their glances settle on me occasionally, but I could not bring myself to speak. I had already made my impression, I thought.

Standoffish. Unfriendly. Possibly arrogant.

I heard them mention Minako's name a few times. I wanted to tell them about her, about her enthusiasm and professionalism and magnetism. I wanted to show off my friend and our friendship. I couldn't mention it now, though. I had made a bad impression on them and that impression would transfer to Minako if they found out.

Or maybe they hadn't labeled me yet. Maybe I had based my worries on nothing. Maybe I should take Minako's advice. I would pretend this group of boys was my group of friends.

"I heard you talk about Minako," I said. "She's amazing."

He looked surprised that I had said anything at all, but the surprise faded in an instant as he latched on to the topic.

"You know her?"

"Yes," I said. "We're best friends."

"What's she like?" He rubbed his hands together. "Is she nice? To be honest, I'm a little nervous. This is only my second shoot."

I reassured him that she was nice. I described her many good qualities. The rest of the boys dropped their conversations and began to listen in as well. I spoke about how easy she'd make it for them to pose with her, how they were bound to have fun on the shoot. I dispensed posing and modeling tips – I had read an extravagant amount of them in preparation for this day – and told them how to use angles and lighting to their advantage. I told them not to outshine Minako.

"You might think it's a good idea, that it will get you noticed. And it will, but in a bad way. You have to be able to support others, too. It shows range."

The director called the models to set and they flooded me with their numbers right before they moved to take their places. I stared at my cellphone in amazement.

That had been…fun.

Was this how Minako felt all the time?

* * *

1.

On an idyllic summer Sunday I sat perched on top of a short wall running alongside a small street in the shopping district. Makoto and Rei leaned against the same wall and amused themselves by imitating the mannerisms of Mamoru and Usagi. The couple stood in front of a television set in a store's glass window. They were probably discussing whatever news bit was playing.

"Wah, Mamo-chan, isn't that terrible?" Rei said, her voice simpering.

Makoto's lower register did sound much like Mamoru at his most placating. "Usako, sometimes bad things happen to good people."

I let Rei and Makoto's voices wash over me. I tried to focus on my book instead, but the sun's glare reflected off the white pages and made it difficult to see the words. Makoto and Rei had dropped their act and now observed the passersby.

"That guy's cute."

"No, he's too short."

"You're right. He'd be cute if he were taller."

I couldn't focus. The warmth of the sun on my legs and shoulders distracted me, anyhow. I set the book aside and caught the thread of the girls' conversation. They had changed topics yet again.

"Mamoru-san is kind of a dork, though," Rei said.

"You'd definitely need a suave guy. But not too suave, because then he might be a player." Makoto noticed that my attention had shifted toward them. "What about you, Ami-chan? What's your type? You kind of went out with Urawa, and then there was Tohru."

"I'd say she likes nice, smart, earnest guys." Rei narrowed her eyes at me. "But Urawa and Tohru were both just kind of _there_."

"It's true that I wasn't in love with them," I said.

"So what kind of guy do you think you could fall in love with? What kind of guy would you really chase after?"

I shot Makoto a smile. "Chasing after men isn't really my thing."

"What if it was someone really great though? Like you had to be with him, or you'd be crushed forever. What kind of guy would that be?" Rei pressed forward, and how could I tell someone for whom passion fueled every action that I doubted I could ever feel so obsessive, let alone 'crushed forever'?

I decided to humour them.

"The boy would have to spark my interest and hold it," I said. And after the years I've spent fighting evil and learning about time travel and reincarnation, it would not be an easy feat. "So I think he'd have to be very different from me. He should be smart, but not necessarily booksmart. More like…sharp.

"Because I want someone who can surprise me. Someone who can challenge me. And I already take things seriously enough, so I'd like someone who's mostly carefree, someone who doesn't treat everything with gravitas and decorum, except when it's really necessary."

I was grateful to Makoto and Rei. I had never articulated a checklist of my ideal man before, and only now had I noticed something important. "When it comes down to it, I'm even a nerd when it comes to relationships. I just want someone I can learn something from or about, every day."

I had to smile. "There's one problem though. People like that can seem overwhelming to people like me. I'd need to be comfortable with this person already."

Rei and Makoto exchanged an inscrutable look.

"Well that's…specific," Makoto said.

"Yes," Rei added. She spoke slowly, as if she were hesitant to say anything at all. "It seems you'd want someone like – "

"MINAKO! OH MY GOD MINAKO'S ON TV! LOOK EVERYONE, SHE'S AMAZING!"

Usagi's excited screeches reached our ears. Rei and Makoto watched me carefully as my jaw dropped open.

* * *

0.

_Holy shit._

* * *

**PAUSE**

The sentiments that had gathered finally coagulated but did not result in the revelation of the secret to being good at life. Instead I found a new thrill in my heart, a kind of swelling feeling that choked me off and sent my brain scrambling for explanations.

I knew, now. I had, all along, looked to Minako for an answer not in order to apply it to my own life, but to better understand her. I did not want to know how, I wanted to know why. When I tried her advice with those male models I did not especially care for the attention I gained. Instead I held fast to the new knowledge of how Minako felt. I thought maybe I had discovered a little bit about why she lived the way she did.

At the start I had wanted to figure her out like one would a math problem. Minako would always act before I even had the chance to parse her reasoning, and only after could I sort out the reasoning that she mostly likely had used. But the day we shipped Kenta off to volleyball camp, that stunning display of ruthless protectiveness delivered with a wink and a smile made my feelings change. Since then I had nursed an emotional interest in her, and it had only grown since, and now it swallowed me whole, and what was I to do?

I looked at Makoto and Rei. I couldn't say anything. They moved closer to me and each laid a hand on my shoulders. Their physical support comforted me only a little.

Usagi skipped toward us, still excited about Minako's commercial. Her energy dimmed when she noticed my shocked expression.

"What's wrong?"

Rei glanced at Mamoru, then at me. I nodded.

"It's just that Ami realized her ideal romantic partner would be Minako." Rei tried to downplay the impact of the statement with a shrug, but Mamoru's eyes widened.

"What?" He looked toward me. "Minako, really?"

But why did it surprise him? Why had it surprised _me_?

Usagi voiced my thoughts. "No, it makes sense! Me and Minako are really alike, just like you and Ami-chan." She clapped her hands together. "You'd be so cute together!"

I shook my head. "Don't get too invested in the idea, Usagi-chan. Just because she's theoretically my ideal partner, doesn't mean I have a crush on her, or anything." They looked unconvinced. The blood rushing up to my face likely looked suspicious. "It's just something for me to think about."

* * *

The doorbell rang. As I walked toward the door I heard the girls' voices outside. I took a deep breath at the sound of one voice in particular and tried to steady myself.

Lately I had spent lunchtime at school tutoring the first years or speaking with teachers about extra credit projects. Those same projects I used as an excuse whenever Minako invited me out. I had also avoided study sessions with a variety of flimsy excuses. I suspected that even the other girls' presence would do nothing to hide my thoughts' romantic turn, and would certainly not relieve any awkwardness.

The doorbell rang again.

I couldn't avoid her forever. I had to spend time with her again, if I wanted to figure out whether I could truly see myself romantically entangled with her.

I opened the door.

"Ami-chan," Rei said, stepping forward, "Glad to see you. We were worried about you. Minako said she was going to check on you, so we decided to all come along as well."

I hoped Rei psychic abilities allowed her to register my silent thanks. I guided them in and settled them at the kitchen table. Makoto immediately began cooking what she called a light snack. I managed to act normally, as we discussed our studies. I tried to time my eye contact. Three seconds with Usagi. Three seconds with Rei. Three seconds with Minako. Three seconds seemed long. How long did people usually keep eye contact for?

I began to doubt myself. I excused myself and walked down the hallway toward the bathroom. When I tried to open the door Minako slammed it shut again. I jumped in surprise at her sudden appearance before me.

"Alright, what's going on?" She crossed her arms and frowned. "Why have you been avoiding us?"

"I haven't," I said. I hadn't avoided all of them. Just her.

Minako didn't buy it. She stepped forward and trapped me between herself and the wall.

"Even when you're really busy, you always find time for us," she said. "It's got to be something else. I guess it's either a new enemy or" – here her tone shifted entirely – "a new love!"

I felt heat sear my cheeks and knew I had given myself away when she stepped back and grinned at me.

"Who is it?"

I forced myself to speak. "It's not a new love."

She cupped my cheeks and the redness drastically expanded. She trailed its path down my neck.

"You're blushing like crazy." She looked delighted. "It has to be a new love.'

"It's not," I said. "I promise. I guess you could say I've found a prospect."

"New love, crush, prospect, whatever. Who is it?"

She casually lumped them together into one category. I wanted to tell her the different between love, infatuation, and interest, but I hadn't quite pinned down the definitions in my own mind.

"I can't tell you."

"But you have to! How can I tell if he's a good guy or not if I don't even know who he is?" She misinterpreted my expression. "Don't worry. If he sucks I won't have him shipped off to volleyball camp." She smiled. "I'll do something much worse."

My chest clutched painfully at her words. "It's nothing. I'll tell you more about it later, okay? I want to keep it to myself, for now."

"You want to cherish your love by yourself. I get it," she said. "Promise you'll tell me soon, though."

"I promise," I said, before I could even think about it, but afterwards I cursed myself. I had replied too quickly. I couldn't break a promise to Minako. I'd have to tell her, eventually.

* * *

A/N: Part 1 of 2…or possibly 3.

Yes, I should be writing more _Trebuchet_ or updating _Stepping_ but sometimes ideas just won't leave me alone!


	2. Chapter 2

**ALLOY**

**chapter two: when i think about it, i get a little discouraged**

**BE IT RESOLVED**

I thought perhaps I could avoid confessing to Minako, after all. I could tell her that my interest had waned, for on further consideration of the matter I perceived several factors that could thwart a romantic relationship between me and Minako. She spoke loudly and often and preferred socialization to staying crammed indoors. I valued quiet time for reflection and often opted to read alone in my room rather than go out. She expressed her opinions easily and freely showed her feelings. I could hardly reciprocate such openness. And though we both liked shopping, there our common interests stopped. Besides, even then, I drifted to the bookstore; she, to the boutiques.

No, shared hobbies couldn't matter that much. Mamoru and Usagi, for one, shared no hobbies other than delivering silly speeches to the forces of evil. Our problem ran deeper and underscored a more fundamental incompatibility. We simply did not naturally draw to each other, a fact made painfully clear to me on our latest outings.

Her gravure photos and SoftHeels ad pushed her career forward. She landed two more commercials, for watches and shampoo, and would soon publish a solo photobook. Just as I resolved to spend more time with her, her work slashed at the number of free hours in her day, until she could spare only the occasional Sunday for group excursions. On said excursions I tended to chat with the other girls more, and even when I tried to stay by Minako's side I often felt much like a satellite, revolving around the conversation or her monologue, without any true involvement. Our easy camaraderie vanished around the others, due to how little we suited each other, I assumed. Only on our 'dates' had we ever shared a rapport, only during those get-togethers she had instigated because it "didn't seem right" that we spent so little time with each other.

"You're thinking too hard," Makoto said.

"Hmm."

I hadn't thought about it enough in the first place. The idea had stemmed from my more delusional nature, and my romantic-at-heart wishful thinking kept it percolating through my mind. I decided to kill that spark of curiosity and re-focus on my academic priorities. Actually, I had slipped up on the latest English quiz, mislabeling a verb as an adverb. I could not make such an error again. Thoughts of Minako had distracted me too much. I couldn't even remember the subject of this study session. I glanced down at my math notebook. Conics? Maybe?

"I was getting tired of that 'My dog just died' face," Rei said, "But now you look _too_ happy."

"I'm just excited to learn about conics."

"But we finished that unit last week." Makoto and Rei quickly flanked me, cutting off all escape routes, unless I crawled over the table, but that would seem undignified. "Just what have you been thinking about?"

"Or," Rei added, "_Who_ have you been thinking about?"

These two would not leave me alone until I told them. "I've decided not to pursue a romantic relationship with Minako." I managed not to stutter too much on her name.

Usagi, who I had thought asleep, raised her head. "What? Why?"

"After careful consideration," I said, "I've realized we're not romantically compatible."

Rei scowled. "Bull! What are you afraid of?" At my questioning glance she raised her hand and counted off the possibilities. "She'll reject you, and your friendship will suffer."

"Ami-chan would never be afraid of that, right?" Makoto said, elbowing my side. "Even if it ends up a little awkward, it's worth it if you can be honest with each other."

"So then maybe you're afraid that she'll go out with you, and you'll find out you really aren't suited, and your hopes will be crushed," Rei continued. "But maybe you'll find out you were made for each other and you'll live happily ever after. Isn't it worth the gamble?"

If I were hopelessly in love with her, maybe it would be worth it. A risk taken on speculation seemed not at all worth it, when compared to the certainty of our friendship.

Usagi noticed my wavering. She leaned across the table. "Ami-chan, just try it out! Pull a Minako. Take the risk."

* * *

**OKINAWA TRIP DIARY**

**DAY ONE**

I now sat next to Minako on a plane heading south.

Though I had decided not to take the particular risk my friends suggested, I had still acted somewhat impulsively. I had yet to give up on my project of better understanding her, and besides that, I did miss our one-on-one time. I spent a week finessing her mother and the school administrators into letting her take leave to shoot part of her solo book in Okinawa. In exchange, I promised to tutor her and ensured she'd keep up with the schoolwork.

I may have promised too hastily. Minako had crammed her luggage with bikinis and various scuba diving guides. I envisioned a week of frolicking on the beach followed by months of glowering and mistrust from Aino-san and various teachers.

"Hey, Minako-chan." I had to repeat myself twice before she heard me. She had somehow managed to hang on to Rei's DS and was engrossed in a game. "Do you think maybe we should get started on homework now? If we complete it by tomorrow, we'll still have a few days to relax."

"Are you kidding me?" She reached into her carry-on and waved a stack of notebooks before me. "I finished this before we left. This is vacation, baby!" She shoved the DS into my hands. "Beat this level for me, please, Ami-chan."

The title glowed from the screens, SAILOR MOON UNLIMITED. I un-paused and watched Sailor Mercury die as an enemy's laser beam hit her.

"Mars and Jupiter's levels were difficult," Minako said. "Mercury is just impossible."

Our incompatibility manifested even in video games. I handed the console back to her.

"You should earn your own happiness."

"Grr. Fine." She smashed the buttons frantically and sighed as she died again. "It's hard to be you."

"Only if you act as if I were someone else," I said, leaning over and pointing toward the short HP gauge on the screen. "I'm a little worried by how well the game designers understand us. I'm no Jupiter or Mars. Try a more Venus approach."

By the time we'd landed she'd managed to reach the level's boss, but lost again and again. As we waited to disembark, I, tired of seeing myself die, grabbed the DS out of her hands and a few minutes later tossed it back to her as the victory theme played. She flashed me a thumbs up.

"Thanks, Ami-chan! You're the greatest!"

I shouldn't get upset at a game, but the hopelessness I felt at her total inability to grasp my abilities and method frustrated me. I had thought that if our personalities meshed not at all, at least our fighting styles did. We couldn't rely on blasting through enemies with force only, like Mars and Jupiter could. Venus and I fought creatively, found ways to win against enemies when they refused to fall to fire and lightning. Ungenerous characterizations, maybe, but they served to illustrate the building blocks of our Sailor team. Minako of all people should have understood.

"No problem." I stared out the window. I felt her worried gaze on me, but she chose not to question me on my mood just then.

"Seriously, you're a lifesaver," she said. "It took me over two hours to beat Venus's mini-boss."

Wait. "What? You had a hard time beating your own level?"

"I know!" She raised a finger to her lips. "Don't tell anyone, it's so embarrassing. I blame the game designers. I mean, if you look at Venus's stats compared to – "

Yes, I had been thinking too hard. SAILOR MOON UNLIMITED was just a game.

As the airline attendants ushered us out I decided to dedicate this vacation to sand, surf, and light reading and give my poor overworked brain a break from pondering this intractable subject.

**DAY THREE**

The second day had gone by without incident. I powered through three popular science books, acquired a very light tan. Minako was working at a studio in the city, and I managed not to think about her at all, a task made easier by her hours that stretched from early morning to late at night and further facilitated by how her agency had booked us a suite with two separate bedrooms.

I woke up too late the next morning to catch her before she left, but she had earned an early release from work that day and dragged me to a gift store where we poured over the memorabilia.

DEAR USAGI-CHAN, REI-CHAN, AND MAKO-CHAN: HAVING TONS OF FUN WITHOUT YOU, SUCKERS. LOVE, MINAKO & AMI

"Minako!"

Too late, she'd dropped the postcard into the mailbox. She handed me a pen and the next postcard, one with a lovely photo of a sunny Okinawan beach.

DEAR MAMORU-SAN: THINKING OF YOU

She snatched the pen away and scribbled

AND ABOUT HOW YOUR PALE ASS COULD REALLY USE A TAN. AM & MA

And dropped it into the mailbox.

"Minako!"

She grabbed the next postcard, featuring a photo of a beach hottie with cut abs, large biceps, and a very small Speedo emphasizing a very large package. She wrote

DEAR HARUKA-SAN & MICHIRU-SAN: GLAD YOU'RE NOT HERE, OR YOU'D TAKE ALL THE BOYS' ATTENTION AWAY FROM US. AGAIN. YOURS TRULY, AMI AND MINAKO

I managed to catch it before it fell into the mailbox.

"We can't send this," I said.

"Why not?"

"Because it'd be pointless." The card slipped from my hands as Haruka stole it from me and inspected the photo. "Though this is exactly the kind of card I'd expect from you."

"Haruka-san! What are you doing here?" Minako asked. She sounded annoyed, mostly, I guessed, because she feared what she'd written on the postcard would actually come true. Haruka seemed to think the same thing.

"Don't worry, Minako-chan," she said, "We're not looking for male attention, anyway. If you two are free tomorrow, we'd love to monopolize your time."

**DAY FOUR**

I sat across from Michiru and Haruka at a beachfront café. Minako had a shoot, and I tried to decline their invitation, but they persisted and somehow I ended up the third wheel at what looked like a couple's romantic getaway. They tried to include me, and did not show any overt affection, but their unsubtle flirting and intimate glances highlighted my sheer aloneness.

I had never especially yearned for romance. Lately, though, I felt pangs whenever I saw couples, walking hand-in-hand, exchanging presents, or simply sitting in comfortable silence, like Haruka and Michiru were doing now, each trying to catch the other staring. I had never shared such moments with either Urawa or Tohru. Vain as it sounded, they mostly stared at me, while I thought of other things. In retrospect, I ought to have paid more attention to them. I owed them an apology. I might have treated them unfairly.

No, I did appreciate them and their presence, at the time, and I especially missed being held by them, missed their warmth. They weren't especially broadchested or muscular but their solid figures marked them as definitely masculine, and as I watched Haruka and Michiru exchange mysterious smiles I wondered what it felt like, to be in their position, to be held by another woman. I imagined women's bodies as generally softer and more yielding, due to a higher percentage of body fat, though hormonal fluctuations meant body types varied even more widely among women than men.

For instance, even though we all exercised about the same amount in the course of our Senshi duties, we all developed differently. I was rail-thin with swimmer's shoulders. Usagi was rounder and tended to an even fat distribution. Makoto, tall and muscular, and with the bust to match her frame. Rei, sharp angles everywhere. Minako had fortunately landed model proportions, fat distributed onto bust and hips, her abs almost visible. I wondered how it would feel to –

Oops. I backpedalled from dangerous thoughts and refocused on my company. Haruka had disappeared. Michiru looked amused.

"Ami-chan, just what were you thinking of?"

"I was just thinking, you two look so comfortable with each other. Like star-crossed lovers." Although the only star-crossed lovers I knew struck me as a strange pair. "Or maybe more like, you have an effortless love."

Michiru blushed delicately, and smiled. "Hardly. If you ever find such a thing, alert the media. I believe love always takes effort. Right, Haruka?"

"What are you talking about?" Haruka had returned, bearing drinks for all of us. "What kind of effort could it take to love me?"

"We can discuss your many transgressions later."

"Well, it's not like I disagree," Haruka said. "Wouldn't it be kind of boring, otherwise? Sometimes you go out of your way to do things for your partner. Sometimes you have to apologize even when you're not the one who's wrong – Ouch! Michiru, you're unkind."

**DAY FIVE**

Their easy manner had somehow relaxed me and when I visited Minako at work the following day, I was able to think less and just appreciate the shoot. The director had finally given Minako permission to invite me after she'd explained to him how fascinating I'd find the whole enterprise. The lights, the cameras, the settings, the giant fans everywhere, everyone working together to get perfect photographs. I couldn't take in much of the process, however, my attention mostly focused on Minako and her astonishing transformation from silly schoolgirl to this striking bombshell. She reminded me of Sailor V, when she had first entered the scene, saving us from the enemy, seeming as aloof and mysterious as Neptune and Uranus did.

Actually, that essence of gravity and determination had never really gone away, though the light-hearted Sailor Venus masked it. Which was the true Minako? Both? Probably?

"Take five, everyone!"

She relaxed her stance and approached me. I tossed her a can of coffee.

"Thanks. Just what I needed." She chugged it down and chucked it away, instantly killing that model aura. Somewhere in the distance it clanged against the wall and landed in the recycling bin. "You can leave if you want, you know. I think it might be boring to watch…"

"Not at all," I said. "This is rather amazing. You looked really, well… cool."

"Really? How cool? Like, Haruka cool?"

I remembered yesterday, how Haruka had driven up to our hotel to pick me up, with her mirror shades and red convertible and dashing grin.

"Not that cool."

She frowned. "Then, Mamoru cool?"

I laughed. "Much cooler than that. I really think you have it. Star quality."

**DAY SIX**

At her shoot the next day, said star quality had diminished considerably. The sunny beach setting should have improved the mood, but the glare from the sun ruined shots, and the ocean breeze forced the stylists to pile on the hairspray, and Minako's energy had finally flagged.

"Minako-chan, remember, sweet and seductive, but not sexy. Smile. Not like you won the lottery. No, that's not it, either. Come on, Aino, get it together!"

The director's instructions always struck me as contradictory. Minako usually managed to convey his vision anyway, in her every pose and expression. Today, even I could see she was not quite all there. She stood up straight, closed her eyes, and took a few deep breaths. When she opened her eyes again her gaze still appeared vacant. The director shook his head.

"Alright, everyone, might as well take lunch now. Minako-chan, whatever's going on with you, fix it."

She walked off the set and sat next to me. I had laid out a large blanket under a parasol a distance away, fairly isolated from the shoot's activities. She laid back, taking up the expanse of the blanket, and pulled her sunglasses on, which did little to hide her disappointed expression.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm tired," she said. "I'm really, really tired. I didn't really think this would be a vacation, but it's even worse here than it is at home. Waking up early to meet with the trainer. Work all day. Work in the evening, sometimes. Meeting with the director and the stylists. Meeting with my agent. Meeting with my PR coach. Updating my blog, recording snippets for the radio. There's so much to do. Every day."

"But you've always been a hard worker," I said. "I mean, not for school, but for things that are important to you. Like your career."

"Yeah…" She sighed. "This isn't it, though. This isn't what I've been aiming for. I don't want to be a gravure model. I want to be an idol. I thought it was just a stepping stone, but my agent thinks I'm more suited to modeling."

"She's wrong." A still photograph could not convey the full MINAKO impact.

She smiled. "I know. I just have to figure out how to get from where I am now to where I want to be."

"I've been thinking about this for a while, actually…" Ever since that day she invited me to Takato's party. "Why an idol? You said you wanted credit and admiration, but you can get that as a model."

"It's the music," she said. "I love it. But not really for the music itself." She sat up and pulled her sunglasses off. "Does that make sense?" I shook my head. She frowned. "I mean, when I listen to a song, I can just zone out for a few moments. Be happy. Be sad. Whatever. It's just kind of a break, from the everyday stuff. Our job is so critical, while nobody really needs music to live. It's just a pure bonus."

I understood. I could appreciate this affinity for the frivolous, and I smiled when I realized I had grasped yet another aspect of Minako's thinking. Finally, I was making progress again in my quest to discover Minako's thought processes.

"Ah, I'm just talking out of my ass," she said.

Damn it.

"The real reason is this: how many models – not counting me or any of the people I've done shoots with – can you name?"

"None."

"How many idols can you name?"

I could name many of the current members of AKB48, and I hadn't gone out of my way to learn them.

"At least 30. Okay, I get it. Then, why don't you try joining a group?"

"And share the spotlight? I'm not that generous. I want all the attention."

Her modeling improved after our conversation, and they managed to wrap up the shoot that same afternoon. Which meant we had the evening free, and could attend what Michiru called the Joint Kaioh-Tenoh Fan Appreciation Event brought to you by Okinawa Mobile Telecomm and what Haruka called the Food and Fireworks Summer Funstravaganza.

Minako called it OpportunityFest. Never had I seen so many racing fans and classical music enthusiast together in one place, and Minako seized on this strange mix to broaden her fanbase. She'd inserted herself into a conversation between fans and had slowly turned it into Debates About Formula Nippon featuring Aino Minako.

"Of course Haruka-san will win again this year," she said, "I'm just saying, I met Nakajima's sister at a shoot and she said that he's really been clocking up those miles."

"Shoot?"

"Oh, yeah, we shot a photobook together. Aino & Nakajima Double Trouble Field Book."

I fetched our drinks and when I returned a moment later she was holding court over an entirely different set of people.

"To be honest, I never liked classical before, but when the director at one of my shoots played Chopin all day, I realized it's really a great sound."

"Oh? You're a model?"

"Just a few spreads here and there," she said, contorting her voice to sound modest. "No runways – _yet_."

Soon the bored dates and spouses who did not share their partners' hobbies approached her and she held forth on her modeling career –

"Though what I really like to do is sing."

"You should sing for us!"

"I couldn't possibly. I'm not very good…"

Her humbleness seemed obviously fake, but it looked like it was working. Was this my cue?

"I think you're even better at singing than at modeling," I said. "And you're a great model."

"Sing for us!" They swept her up onto the small stage recently vacated by a chamber winds group. She procured a microphone and stand from somewhere, and watched over the small crowd solemnly until they had quieted.

"Everyone," she said, "I'm happy that you want to hear me sing. But, I'm new at this, so please bear with me! You are now witnessing Aino Minako's idol debut!" She winked at the crowd, flashed a signal to someone off stage – who? When had she set this up? – and a familiar beat poured through the speakers, a recent Morning Musume song.

"It can't be helped, if it's a whip of love – "

Michiru and Haruka muscled their way through the crowd to flank me and watched Minako with raised eyebrows.

"I was not aware Minako had something like this planned," Michiru said.

"And I didn't realize your girl's people skills could get her quite this far," Haruka added, as others, hearing the commotion, joined the cheering crowd.

"-army of love!" She bowed deeply in response to the crowd's applause. I clapped my hands together mechanically, still bowled over by how she'd decided to launch her own career, surely bypassing her agent in the process. "Thank you, everyone! And I'd especially like to thank Michiru-san and Haruka-san" – they smiled awkwardly a spotlight shone on them – "my friends who have always supported my dreams and who bear no hard feelings about how I messed up their Funstravaganza's schedule a bit because of this definitely spur-of-the-moment concert!" She stretched her hand out to them. "If you're familiar with the Kumi Koda classic, Song of Love, would you join me on stage and sing with me?"

"We couldn't possibly. Unfortunately, we're not familiar with the song," Haruka said, but she trailed off when she noticed Michiru and Minako staring at each other intensely.

"Haruka," Michiru finally said, "Surely you were joking. There is no one in Japan who doesn't know it. Let's show our fans what the true meaning of pop is."

A more bizarre sight than Michiru and Haruka busting out idol moves and vocal runs – both perfectly executed, of course – I never thought I'd see, but Minako's words at the start of her third song made me forget all about that image.

"I'll finish off this little set with an Aino Minako original. I'm sure it'll be the first single off my album. Please visit my website for updates. I'd like to dedicate this song to Ami-chan," she pointed straight at me. I thought my heart might stop, "who reminded me of my true dreams. Enjoy the show, everyone!"

She launched into the lyrics right as fireworks exploded in the distance behind her, a bright chrysanthemum the pyrotechnic backdrop to her song –

The lyrics being wholly incidental.

_I love you, baby baby / switch off the lights_

_Hey, don't keep it hidden / Hey, it's about to begin_

She had dedicated the song to me, not directed it at me, I told myself, over and over again, though my lizard brain refused to accept this interpretation. I couldn't listen to this anymore but the speakers made her voice audible throughout the event grounds. I couldn't watch her anymore but my eyes kept drawing back to her, and I hated how her hair glowed when backlit by the fireworks and how her half-confident, half-surprised smile broke into a full-out grin as she finished the song and her new fans mobbed her.

She probably felt exhilarated, probably felt a thrill when she realized she could actually become an idol sometime soon. _I want all the attention_. I knew what she meant, then, as I watched her take in all the people around her. I wanted all the attention, too, but not everyone's. Just hers. _Pay attention to me_, I wanted to shout out, we'd hardly spent any time together this week, and I'd subconsciously thought this evening, at least, would make up for it. I grit my teeth and clenched my fists to prevent myself from stealing her away from the start of her dream's fulfillment.

She found me later, at the food stalls. I had spent the past half hour sampling the regional cuisine, trying to commit the taste to memory so I could report back to Usagi and Makoto.

"We should bring something back for them," she said. Surreptitiously she pulled a bottle from her purse and showed me the label. "Awamori?"

"We're still in high school! I hope no one saw you buying that, Miss Future Idol with a good-girl reputation to maintain."

She waved my concerns away. "Worth it. I bought two. Shall we?" She held her hand out to me. Helplessly I grasped it and she pulled me toward a grassy hill overlooking the event grounds. She poured the drinks and I raised my tumbler.

"To the start of your dream career."

I took just a few sips of mine, aware that I needed a sober mindset to deal with Minako, especially with what she was doing now, which was twining her fingers with mine and trying and failing to temper a wide grin.

"I couldn't have done this without you."

"This has all been due to your own work and schemes," I said.

She shook her head. "Mom never would have let me come if you hadn't come along with me, which means I'd never have made it to this event, where you helped prompt the crowd into asking me to sing."

"I suppose…"

"And," she said, letting go of my hand to rummage through her purse, "You really helped keep my energy up." She pulled out familiar-looking scraps of paper and laid them out flat beside her. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. YOU WERE GREAT TODAY. YOU'RE ALREADY MY IDOL. I'd left her such notes on her bedroom door in the evenings, thinking of how tired she'd be after such long days. Reading them over again now felt embarrassing. I blushed and looked away.

"Oh, well. Yeah." How articulate of me. "Um, you're welcome, then." I had to change topics quickly. "By the way, why were you and Michiru having a staring contest?"

"What? Oh, that. We had an argument a couple of months ago about whether she seemed too perfect for her fans to relate to. She said most of her fans related to her music, not to her. I said I thought it was a shame, that she should do something to make her seem human." She shrugged. "Well, she was perfect during that Kumi Koda song anyway, so I don't think it worked at all!"

"Minako-chan, I believe you have no idea how perfect you looked up there on stage."

She batted her eyelashes. "Perfect? Me?"

"I said you _looked_ perfect. I am far too aware of your many imperfections." I laughed when she shoved my shoulder in mock-anger. At the sound of her laughter my chest expanded and constricted weirdly and I felt my resolve start to break apart when I remembered this was how it always felt when we were alone, together, and so what if we were so very different? No love was effortless, as Michiru had said, and maybe it'd be worth it, to take the risk, if it meant I could hold on to this feeling.

**DAY SEVEN**

"Flight 372 to Tokyo, now boarding."

I didn't realize palms could get so sweaty, and I suspected that human hearts shouldn't beat quite so quickly. I had to do it now. Even though it might all go wrong. I was about to lose my nerve. Maybe I could wait until we got back to Tokyo, until we were in a more private place.

Overthinking, again. How long had I been overthinking this for? Too long. I liked her. I had to do something about it. Right now.

I pulled at her shirt sleeve as she stood to join the crowds heading toward the gate.

"Wait," I said. I stood, too, and tried not to be too distracted by my heart hammering against my chest. "Remember when we were talking, and I wanted to keep it to myself for the moment, but that I'd tell you about it later?"

She frowned in confusion, for a moment, before she grinned broadly and clasped my hands. "Your secret love!"

"No! Not love." It'd be too confusing to describe my weeks of thoughts on the matter. "More like a crush. Sort of?"

"So who is it?"

"Um…" I pulled my hands free and bowed. "Minako-chan, please go out with me!"

"I need to think about it," she managed to stutter out, before the last boarding call forced us to hurry to the gate.

She spent most of the plane ride staring out the window.

I nervously shook my leg until she placed a calming hand on my knee and gave me a reassuring smile. I felt only a little better. I couldn't focus on my books. I asked to borrow the DS. She handed it over to me, her gaze still fixed on the window. She'd brought only SAILOR MOON UNLIMITED with her. The fast-paced team levels engrossed me for five minutes before I remembered my awkward confession. My fingers fumbled. The team died. I scowled and re-started the level. Slowly I realized she had turned her focus on the screen. A youma killed me.

"Even if it takes up all your MP," she said, "You probably need to revive Mercury to get past this level."

"It'll be fine with just the others, I think."

She stayed silent as first Jupiter died, then Venus, then Mars, and finally Moon. The edges of Minako's lips turned upward into an almost-smile.

"You can say it."

She looked cute, with that smug, superior smile. "I told you so."

She turned her attention back to the view outside the window. I'd just managed to clear the next level when I heard her mutter a quiet: "Why?"

"Because you're…" I struggled to find the word. "Cool." My vast lexicon always proved useless in these most important moments. "I mean you're…you know…" Stuck on a plane like this, I couldn't even wish that the ground would open up and swallow me.

"I'm what? Beautiful? Kind? Generous? Smart?" She turned to face me and smiled at my red face. "Fun? Interesting? Talented?"

"Yes," I said, but so were a lot of people. That wasn't it. "And you're unpredictable and kind of happy-go-lucky and just a mystery that I must crack even though I know I never will."

That wasn't it, either.

"What?"

I ignored her question. "You're also conniving, vain and even self-centred, sometimes."

"What!"

"No, that's not it," I said. "It's because – "

Oh. Wait. When had this happened?

"I was wrong. It's not a crush." I grabbed her hands and looked into her eyes. I thought this deserved at least that much. "It's because I love you."

* * *

We stayed silent the rest of the plane ride, her eyes firmly fixed outside the window, mine on the ceiling. The silence continued when we got off the plane, when we fetched our bags, through to when we claimed a spot in the waiting area, when she finally said:

"I don't love you like that."

My eyes stung. I hadn't prepared myself to hear such a blunt rejection.

"But, I think I could, eventually. I mean, I don't see a reason not to try it out." She held her hand out to me. "Let's go out."

* * *

A/N: Part 2 of 3. Probably.

Life has been kicking my butt lately.

Video games, did I do it right? The only ones I've played even somewhat recently are Final Fantasy titles.

I'm a thief. I stole Minako's song from PGSM.

Thank you, **SirKaid, SK, Sparta **and **Ciezuru**!


End file.
